Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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