I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
