I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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