Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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