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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just cropdusted the office
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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