Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
