I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Randomize
