You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
