so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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