the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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