It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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