woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
