I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
But theres a keg here and me gusta
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
