it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
