I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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