i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
