Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
