Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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