WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
