Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
