You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
