He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
