Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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