I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
