Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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