we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
