wat bout pragnant strippers??
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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