you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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