11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
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