Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
