I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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