Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
