She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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