what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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