When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
