Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
