ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize