I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
