So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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