the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I love you. Go after that dick
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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