Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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