Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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