matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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