ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
