I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
