So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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