When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
