ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
