I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
