you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
