This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
