Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
