You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
