Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I looked at my own cervix.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
