Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize
