I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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