textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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