I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I think my fart just growled at me.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
