yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Operation Purity has been aborted
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
