So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
