Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
