I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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