I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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