I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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