Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Randomize