We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
