So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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