oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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