Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
