Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
