bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
