i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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