I just made out with a guy for $7.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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